Cats

Cats ★½

so let me start by saying every single review on here that is under one star is completely correct. this film is literally every single thing people claimed it was. if you read a review that said "this is the worst film of the year/decade" it was not hyperbole! it was fact. from the first few notes every single thing that could be wrong with this movie is!

cats is two hours of absolute nonsense. no song lyric matters, no circumstance is consequential! half the time i did not register these cats were saying words! complete NONSENSE! all of it! all the cats do is sing songs naming themselves and then judi dench as a cat named OLD DEUTERONOMY (let's not even....) sends a cat out of purgatory to heaven, that's the movie!!!!!!

on top of that it's five hundred times hornier than it sounds.... so many crotch shots/angles every. single. song. and every cat looks like they're about to fuck. every fetish is represented in some capacity throughout the mess.

and THEN when u think it is OVER and u have seen absolutely EVERYTHING, the movie ends with dame judi dench breaking the fourth wall and speaking to camera for what feels like TEN FUCKING MINUTES~!!!! I THOUGHT I MADE IT THROUGH AND THIS IS WHAT FINALLY BROKE MY BRAIN

THE HORROR MOVIE EVENT OF THE DECADE. I FEEL LIKE I WATCHED TOM HOOPER'S CAREER DIE IN REAL TIME. THIS IS WHAT PHYSICAL BRAIN ROT FEELS LIKE AND I WAS OBSESSED WITH EVERY SECOND OF IT!!!!!!!

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