Philomena

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"I think if Jesus was here right now he'd tip you out of that fucking wheelchair."


Well, I'm finally all caught up on the 2014 Best Picture nominations and I most definitely saved one of the most underwhelming for last.

The problem I have with Philomena is that it seems utterly aimless. Alright, I get the basic gist: a woman, who wants to convert to Nunism, has her child taken from her by a group of some sadistic nuns and, 50 years later, she wants to go and find her son. Hell, the movie should have just been called Evil Nuns Stole My Son and it would have made for a much more enjoyable feature.

I mean, imagine it, the synopsis for Evil Nuns Stole My Son is: Evil nuns stole Philomena's son in the early 50's. Now, 50 years later, she is locked and loaded and ready to find her son at any and all costs and that includes kicking ass and writing down names, but she is all out of paper.

How bad ass does that sound? I'd much rather have seen a revenge flick with Judi Dench kickin' ass and Steve Coogan being the comic relief sidekick than whatever the hell was going on in Philomena. I guess we'll just have to wait for the sequels:

-Philomena 2: Electric Boogaloo
-Philomena 3DD
-Philomena Part IV: The Final Chapter
-Philomena Part V: Final Chapter, Are You Serious, These Things Make Money
-Philomena Part VI: Revelations
-Philomena Part VII: Back 2 Tha Hood
-Philomena Part VIII: Philomena Takes Manhattan
-Philomena Goes To Hell: The Final Philomena
-Philomena X
-Philomena Vs. Jesus

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