• No Time to Die

    No Time to Die


    No Time to Review Long

    Mainly wanted to write a review so the Cats review I did would stop haunting me in my Letterbox emails. At any rate, I love this film, it reinvigorated my love for cinema, and despite its name, movies aren’t dead. Thank you Daniel Craig for your years as Bond, there won’t be another one like you.

  • Cats




  • Midsommar



    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Midsommar is a film that shines through the the incredible winter of trite and boring films of 2019, although fantastic, its not without some clouds. 

    The most praise I can give this movie is the maturity of director Ari Aster, that moved away from the seemingly “okay” movie that was Hereditary, which was filled with a lot of unnecessary scares and a plot that was generally solid but undercut by the commitment to its fantastical reality at the end. Midsommar…

  • Joker



    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Joaquin’s Joker might parallel’s Ledgers, but is that moot point? 

    I seem to think so, as this film is hardly a Batman/Joker film as The King of Comedy being set in the DC universe. Phoenix does a fantastic job as always, making what shoddy script Todd Phillips  borderline plagiarizes from Scorsese an entertaining movie to watch.

    This sounds like a confusing review, but this is quite a confusing movie to review. There are interesting shots sprinkled throughout, mainly anytime Joker…

  • Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood

    Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Rick Fucking Dalton

    Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is return to Tarantino’s roots, with echos of Pulp Ficton and Jackie Brown. I can’t help but think some viewers will expect the Tarantino-millennial formula of Hateful 8 or Inglourious Basterds might be disappointed, but I think there’s enough of that flavor sprinkled throughout the film to compensate for it.

    What we have here is an aggregation of both Tarantino’s filmmaking reflection/retrospection and in his life in general with the movies…

  • Spider-Man: Far From Home

    Spider-Man: Far From Home


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Coming out of the theatre I felt a bit underwhelmed, but I’ve decided that that “whelmness” is derived from the severely and unfairl comedown from the deeply enjoyable previous entry from the MCU, Avengers: Endgame. 

    Endgame was so fantastic that’s hard to see Far From Home anywhere near the magnitude of that film, and that’s why I still appreciate it for its lower stakes.

     In fact, one of my favorite aspects of the film is the villain, Mysterio utilizing illusions…

  • The Beach Bum

    The Beach Bum


    The Beach Bum offers a fun ride for those whose dispositions enjoy absurdity drug enfused mayhem, but does it have anything deeper to offer as it seems to display? 

    Or maybe that’s the point. Moondog, played by the flawless Matthew MacCanaughy, leans swims without care into hedonism relying heavily on a sort of optimistic nihilism. Nothing really matters except for the next buzz and you believe it for the 2 hours as Moondog guides you through with a blunt in…

  • High Life

    High Life


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    High Life is most definitely not a film to watch high, unless dread and humans succumbing to their animal instincts makes you laugh uncontrollably. Fortunately for me, nihilism with a space backdrop usually stimulates my pleasure receptors. Sheesh, that sentence was borderline pretentious just like this film. 

    By no means that is an insult; it walks that fine line, that’s very, incredibly, difficult to traverse. Kubrick and Tarkovsky were masters at this tight rope walk, if you lean too heavy on…

  • Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky

    Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky


    Fuck that.
    Fuck that.

    Story of Ricky is the perfect kung fu exploitation film I’ve seen in awhile. It’s a fun and gory time where you can literally leave your brain at the door and enjoy some cheesy kung fu. The death scenes are bonkers, expect loony toon action, but with ridiculous amounts of gore. It’s a bloody good time with shit English dubs. Sometimes, simplicity is really all you need.

  • Turbo Kid

    Turbo Kid


    Turbo Kid is fantastic, but I imagine that it’s a bit more niche for the average movie goer and then maybe even cut that population in half. To fully enjoy it is to have a lot of 80s action and sci fi movie background and a preference for retro synth wave. And also love Michael Ironside. Oh and ridiculous violence and gore. Luckily for me I love all of those aspects so this did not disappoint. I think it might…

  • Gigli



    The only reason l watched this godforsken film is because of my podcast Director Showdown. A listener won a contest and chose this piss poor film for us to cast on. I’m shamelessly plugging my podcast here because I had to sit through TWO, that’s right TWO hours of this fucking terrible excuse of a film. So go do me a favor and listen my podcast. I have suffered enough. It’s literally the worst film I have ever seen and I’ve seen some dooseys. It’s not worth talking about in any sort of intelligent capacity here.

  • Climax



    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Gasper Noé is probably the most auteur director I know. His films cast a blanket of dread and after watching his films, you feel like you need a shower.

    Climax is no different.

    Even though it can be easily said that nihilism is constant theme in his films, at least Irreversible and Enter the Void had a story throughline that kept you on track about what they were about. Climax didn’t really posses a story, but I guess if I…