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  • Color Out of Space

    Color Out of Space

    ★★★½

    Alright! A big hand for Shirley! That was Shirley, everyone!
    Next up to the stage we've got....REMOBO!

    (music starts, and a giant oozing mass of tentacles and electricity takes the stage...)

    Script that sounds first draft
    Adapted from Lovecraft
    Prince's ghost in the well shaft

    Dropped out of the void
    a malevolent asteroid
    cosmic schadenfreude

    Daughter is goth chic
    black hair with purple streaks
    wardrobe by Claire's Boutique

    (Why'd you even watch this?)
    Richard Stanley shows his face
    (Who the…

  • Diabolique

    Diabolique

    ★★★½

    Maestro...


    Yeah she’s a Venezuelan girl
    Now she’s a boarding school den mother
    Her husband really keeps her spirits down
    When he slaps her on her cheek (Ow! Damn!)
    He ignores his wedding band
    Has a hard time picking favorites
    All the students in the classrooms know he two-times
    He’s really indiscreet (oh no!)

    They’ve really had their fill now
    (It’s Les Diaboliques)
    That film they’re always praising
    (In French-y magazines)
    She suffers palpitations
    (From cardiac disease)
    She’s having reservations…

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  • The Stuff

    The Stuff

    ★★★★

    There are a lot of people that mention how delicious the "Stuff" from "The Stuff" actually looks, and I can't disagree. I, personally, prefer when it looks a little more airy (like marshmallow fluff or meringue), and not more liquid-y (like sour cream or yogurt), but that whole two finger dip-and-slobber technique is not my favorite, no matter how you look at it. For Christ's sake, get a spoon, you monsters.

    But the thing that struck me on this viewing…

  • The Amputee

    The Amputee

    ★★

    Stump speech.

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  • Thursday

    Thursday

    There is a giant, outdoor, flea market/amusement/RV park near me that is, basically, what you would expect it to look like if Ebay threw up all over the physical world. Sure, there are some treasures to be found, but I’ve never found luck when I go looking for treasures. That’s why, I’m here to talk about Spader-Man! Spader-Man is a discovery that I made one day while perusing the action figure garbage, and it sparked an entire mythology of a…

  • 3 from Hell

    3 from Hell

    ★★½

    The biggest problem with this is that there is no need for it to exist. A high note was hit with "Rejects", and the bar is set too high for this one-legged movie to vault over.

    Sid was such a powerful, driving force behind these films (and these characters), and his absence weighs heavy, like the first Christmas season after the passing of the family patriarch. His scene has an air of sadness to it, and the half-assed attempt at…