Morbius

Morbius

I think I’ll watch this movie any time I’m having trouble sleeping…

Should I even go into why it was bad or should I just skip to the satire. I’ll give you a bit of both. Here it is briefly, the pacing: contradictory. Tell me how you can breeze through an entire backstory in a matter of 15 minutes, but spend half the movie on shots of different skylines to make up for your thoughtless lack of plot. The dialogue: infantile. So emotionless and apathetic, any relationship was so forced like the actors and actresses were drugged then woke up to their agents holding them at gunpoint telling them they were in this new Marvel movie Morbius. The cinematic shots: so much potential. Guess what, that’s the equivalent of “oh man you really tried, maybe next time buddy,” the power discovery scenes were in a word fantastic, so refreshing and rich with the characters charisma, in any decently watchable movie they would have been iconic, unfortunately they were wasted on this movie. The fight scenes however, we’re slowed down at any point when contact wasn’t being made… so when it never counted, and instead any actual contact would last about 10 seconds and looked like two dogs humping each other in the speed force. This whole junkyard of camera shots was void of anything that makes a movie a movie. It seemed like if they shot the whole movie in two days and then took all the scenes they cut, threw them together and added a Billie Eilish song in the background with the vocals cut out. Word of advice: base doesn’t make up for your lack of dialogue and soundtrack, it just gives people even more of a headache than they inevitably already have from continuously face palming themselves. If Sony or Marvel told us this entire movie was an April fools joke and the real Morbius movie was coming out next month, I would wholeheartedly believe them. If not, let my voice just gently remind you that “guys you may have forgotten this in the loss of translation between the transaction of millions of dollars, but you actually need to have a plot-line between your cinematic shots of the skyline and your head rattling base.” In all seriousness it may seem like I’m being overly harsh, but that’s because a franchise worth billions of dollars should be held to just a bit of a higher standard than the rest, if you’ve worked this hard to build your rep, stand by it instead of focusing all your efforts on your main universe, and neglecting any other storyline that might not make you as much money.