What’s the lowest rating I can give without being stoned to death?

For better or worse, Everything Everywhere All At Once feels like the first real movie of this decade. As in, the first movie that could only have been made right here, right now. It’s an overly extended Marvel-esque yarn of weird vibes, meme energy and nicecore sentiment disguised as actual emotive truth, all running at the sheer breakneck pace of a self-help TikTok. Sure, it’s openly strange and not neutered for its mainstream audience, but that leaves a lot of its supposed grand, universal metaphorical appeal feeling rather simplistic and, dare I say, cheesy.

Its appropriate that I double-billed this with We’re All Going to the World’s Fair, as the two may as well be polar opposites. One is a huge, loud and high energy display who’s plot and actions are in service of a routine metaphor on family relations, immigrant dynamics and universal love with very little of actual emotive substance to say, while the other is a small, quiet and deliberately awkward isolation box built to investigate a deeply relatable and under-explored part of millennial living. While the latter connected with me instantly, the former doesn’t really have much to say other than fairly well-trodden nicecore sentiments about family and love, the kind of tonal message that makes me drop my passion instantly.

I completely understand why people are into it and I’m not one to deny someone their feelings on a piece of art, but I’m afraid I’m just gonna have to put my hands up and be in the dark here. Call me a soulless old man, but I just couldn't connect. Sentiment does not equal emotion, and I wish we’d all remember that these days. Totally watchable and amazing that something this "out there" is getting this much of a mainstream push, but best movie ever made? Cmon, lads. We can do better than this.

Daniels are 100% getting a Marvel movie btw. Put your house on it.