ok i know i like doing quippy funny one sentence reviews, but this film deserves more words.

i hate call me by your name, not only for the fact that it’s basically glorifying pedastry and telling young gay folk “hey date that guy who is way older than you, it’ll end up Totally Fine” when it almost never does, not only bc it’s a sappy dumb movie, but bc of people who act like it’s revolutionary.

this is not revolutionary.

this is not a film about something Wrongly Marginalized. some of you say this is more revolutionary than Moonlight, and while most of it can be chalked up to subjective opinion, moonlight is ultimately a more powerful, revolutionary feature. in Moonlight, chrion and kevin meet again as adults, and it’s heavily implied they stay together for the rest of their lives. here, oliver leaves after the summer, gets hitched to a girl, and leaves elio heartbroken. that’s a typical plot in gay cinema, not revolutionary.

if you like it, Fine. i’ll probably still judge you, but Fine. rant about how this movie is poetic cinema all you like. but, stop acting like this is pushing down barriers. it isn’t. it’s repeating and solidifying the same dumb tropes about bi people, and has an uncomfortable age gap during the same time when kevin spacey is losing jobs left right and center for similar behavior.

now there are folks who view this film as the Gay Bible will inevitably find this review and say “but roule!!! the age of consent in italy is fourteen!! you’re just Overreacting!! call me by your name is The Best Gay Film Ever To Grace Cinema and it Ended homophobia, and you’re an idiot for thinking otherwise” or some snappy comeback stolen from black twitter.

to this i say Two Things, 1. make your own jokes, and 2. the Instant you have to bring up the age of consent anywhere, any time, you need to stop and think “am i just making excuses for creepy behavior”. there’s tons of horrible manipulative relationships out there that are apparently a-ok because they’re over the age of consent.

also Real Woke Of You for defending a relationship with a massive power gap with literal predator justification. find another film to defend and move on.