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  • The Kitchen

    The Kitchen

    ★★

    "Pretty is just a thing. It doesn't matter. It's just a thing us women can use to get whatever we want".

    It hurts me to admit that I was prepared to love Andrea Berloff's The Kitchen, but not as much as it hurt to sit through the actual film. "Based on a true lie", The Kitchen is a Vertigo comics adaptation set around the warring Irish, Italian, and Black mobs of 70s New York. When all of their husband's are…

  • Rambo: Last Blood

    Rambo: Last Blood

    If you're planning on watching this: CLICK HERE 


    I frankly almost forgot to log this movie, as I immediately forgot all about it halfway through. It dawned on me as I just got out of my shower, that it was an actual movie and not a hilarious trope filled joke. Rambo: Last Blood essentially turns grizzled Vietnam veteran, John Rambo into Jason Voorhees. Sure that sounds funny as you read it, but I'm not kidding in the slightest. Even from…

  • Ad Astra

    Ad Astra

    ★★★★½

    Haters say it's fake, but this is, Interstellar and Gravity found dead, drifting frozen in space. 

    "We're there, and then we're gone”.

    Anyone who has been keeping tabs on my accounts and reviews should be fairly aware that Ad Astra is my most anticipated film for the rest of 2019. And I am here to officially tell you that James Gray's latest galactic endeavor not only lives up to the hype, but that it is 100% very much that Apocalypse…

  • 3 from Hell

    3 from Hell

    ★½

    "Hello, America! Did ya miss me?!"

    I'd like to start by stating that I'm not the biggest Rob Zombie fan. So take my commentary with large quantities of salt. I'm not as critical on his first Halloween remake, even though it's a bit hypocritical of him to accept helming it when he found classic remakes (Texas Chainsaw Massacre) to be reprehensible. if not evident from my less than terrific ratings of his first two entries into this Rejects trilogy, you…

  • In the Cut

    In the Cut

    ★★★½

    "Listen you want me to romance you? Take you out to a fancy restaurant? You want me to be your best friend and fuck you? Lick your pussy? I can do that. There isn't much I haven't done. The only thing I won't do, is beat you".

    My local theatre manager, film professor, and friend highly recommended, no, monologued this erotic thriller to me. The most effective selling point to this neo-noir, was that it had Mark Ruffalo as a…

  • Morvern Callar

    Morvern Callar

    ★★★½

    "Don't worry about money. Fuck work, Lanna. We can go anywhere we like". 

    Lynne Ramsay once again proves that she is a unique force behind the camera, who knows exactly how to handle her characters and mood. But, I am once again underwhelmed, just as I was with, You Were Never Really Here. Before you shoot at me again, I did enjoy both YWNRH and Morvern Callar, but I expected more. So maybe it's my fault for queuing up on…

  • Hustlers

    Hustlers

    ★★★★

    "This city..No, this whole country, is a strip club. You got people tossing the money, and people doing the dance".

    The strangest thing occurred as I sat in my theatre watching these lovely talented women dance and hustle their way to financial security, I was on the verge of crying. No tears were shed, but like JLo's character Ramona states, "I was close". And no, not because of the booty, but because Lorene Scafaria delivers quite the emotionally and socio-politically…

  • All Cheerleaders Die

    All Cheerleaders Die

    ★★★

    "It *is* supposed to be cold up in there, right? Right?"

    Why didn't anyone tell me that there was a low budget sequel to Jennifer's Body? While it isn't anything to write home about, All Cheerleaders Die, does manage to utilise it's campy genre tropes quite effectively. What I thought was going to be some straight to DVD forgettable cheese-fest, actually ended up being quite an innovative female oriented horror comedy that deftly swings for the fences with its more…

  • Anna

    Anna

    ★★

    "I work for KGB, baby".

    I would say that Luc Besson's latest is just a uninspired ripoff of Atomic Blonde, but the now questionable filmmaker had already made La Femme Nikita two decades prior. But that doesn't stop Anna from coming off as yet another one of his usual, "lifeless clean slate young attractive foreign model turns world class super assassin", plots. The model in this operation being, an actual model and first time actress, Sasha Luss. And while the…

  • Pokémon Detective Pikachu

    Pokémon Detective Pikachu

    ★★★

    "Every step for you is one thousand for me and my lungs are the size of grapes".

    So they really just blended the 1998 classic original Pokémon: the First Movie and the severely undermentioned Blow Out, then added in some top shelf CGI integration. And for the most part, it's a simplistic fun time to kotch along to. Even as a lifelong Pokémon fan, I didn't really have any expectations for the film. And while the plot is as generic…

  • Frenzy

    Frenzy

    ½

    "Don't stop, ever. You can do anything. Never forget that".

    The protagonist of this atrocity took those words so damn seriously that she:

    - Willingly joined a YouTuber blog channel called, "The Lit Life"

    - Continuously tries to talk and reason with the sharks.

    - Somehow enchanted her inflatable raft to have protection from multiple shark breaches, bites, and scrapes. 

    - Outswam not one, but three Great White Sharks (don't even get me started on how they do not hunt…

  • Hatchet

    Hatchet

    ★★½

    "You know what Jackie Tucker, your tour sucks my ass. I'll say it again, you wannabe Jackie Chan-Chris Tucker confused asshole, your tour sucks ass!"

    Wow?! How did I not watch this incredibly dumb but very fun modern slasher, earlier? Hatchet blends the likes of Leatherface and Jason Voorhees's troubled and deformed upbringings, and tosses it all into the gator filled swamps of Mardi Gras time, Louisiana. With a simplistic straight to the action plot, and little to no narrative,…