Eternals

Eternals

I saw Eternals in a safely packed theater - wherein I of course social distanced and masked up - which honestly had me delighted...until some older guy right behind me started doing loud and horrifically racist impressions when the Bollywood sequences started...with the guy to the right of him nonstop violently coughing like he was trying to expel a demonically sentient hairball...that also happened to have Covid. Then there was the guy to the far left of me desperately clawing through the lobby entrance garbage bin with a very bright flashlight like he was trying to rescue a long lost loved one at the bottom that only had so much oxygen to live. Oh and everyone was talking at full volume throughout all 153 minutes of this movie...the majority of which having the fucking nerve to make a standing ovation by the time the end credits rolled around, like they could 100% understand every convoluted and drawn out plot point through their incessently annoying squaking.

Oh and did I mention that Eternals is a bad movie. Its overlong, overstuffed, and overindulgent movie that narratively contradicts itself more times than it showcases visually incomprehensible CGI fight scenes...all of which heavily dilutes this whole films messaging on whether humanity is worth saving. Overall I am giving both this movie (and my personal theater going experience) half a star each for thoroughly proving Thanos was right. Hell is other people...and so is mainstream cinema apparently. May whatever version of a god, somewhere out in the endless abyss, have mercy on our wretched souls. Happy Thanksgiving.