• Breathless



    Early French New Wave has so much going for it on a formal level, but I just can’t help but find it to be a bit of a snore. I try and fail to get on board with characters this uninteresting who drone on about the same things over and over again, waxing poetic every so often to preserve a sense of intention. Just give me a melatonin and leave me alone.

  • Boogie Nights

    Boogie Nights


    Forgot how visually immaculate this is, from the grain to the sets to the fits to the prosthetic shlong. This movie truly brings out the best and worst in me: my free disco spirit and my unnecessarily aggressive attraction to Burt Reynolds.

  • The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence)

    The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence)

    Complete dog shit. No centipede for 90 minutes then suddenly the word’s most anticlimactic centipede reveal. Everyone involved deserves jail time.

  • The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)

    The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)


    This king makes a 12 person human centipede and the first thing he does is brush its hair

  • Annette



    I thought this would be so much more abstract, visually appealing, and well-made, but alas it’s just annoying and presents terribly no matter the intention. Some rules are meant to be broken, but that doesn’t justify floundering around aimlessly knocking down every formal standard of filmmaking for the sake of doing so. On any day, you’ll end up with something as silly and grating as this. Baby Annette is foul and Adam Driver rapping to an interactive audience in a bath robe gives me the same sinking feeling as watching James Corden humping the air in a rat costume.

  • Halloween II

    Halloween II


    I straight up did not have a good time. The 9th circle of hell is a movie that 1) is bad 2) keeps buffering. Zero atmosphere to praise aside from the music, although the fire scene did fondly remind me of Donda. Donda Donda Donda Donda Donda Donda Donda

  • The Green Knight

    The Green Knight


    No thoughts, just Dev Patel heavy breathing

  • Tusk



    Atrocious dialogue. Wallace the Walrus and Gregory Gumstick go crazy though

  • Scream 2

    Scream 2


    I don’t remember it I was drunk. Good movie

  • Scream



    First cemetery screening since pre-pandemic times and I can’t imagine a better movie. Wes Craven stays roasting himself, Courtney Cox in a neon suit had me hot and bothered while eating pickle chips, and I aspire to be this incredibly self-aware. Nothing hits quite like the ‘90s school aesthetic or spilling a Mai Tai on a picnic blanket during a Gale Weathers report.

  • Bee Movie

    Bee Movie


    They had my girl down bad for a bee and he was willing to die for it all. Love to see a bee who gets his sweaters from Ralph Lauren, convinces his dying friend to come help him sue Sting, and hijacks a whole commercial airplane.

  • Nacho Libre

    Nacho Libre