Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Star Wars: The Last Jedi ★★★★½

I can’t believe I saw this movie. I felt that way on dec 15, 2015 when the words “EPISODE VII” filled the screen. “I can’t believe I’m seeing a new Star Wars!” I thought with joy. but no, tonight I can’t believe I saw this movie because a year ago on this date, I angrily cried and told myself I would never see another fucking Star Wars movie again.

so let’s talk about her - Leia. how she sees Poe as a protégé so she keeps a stern, but loving, eye on him and never loses a moment to teach him a thing or two about being a leader. how she opens her arms to Finn, never once questions his loyalty, and gives him a home he’s never had. how she mothers Rey, and even personally holds herself responsible for safe return (“to light her way home”), much in the way she so desperately wishes she could do for her son. how she juggles being a heart-broken widow and mother while leading the resistance fleet with grace, dignity, and the wisdom only the Princess of Alderaan could have.

when I was younger, I had two heroes - Princess Leia, the character, and Carrie Fisher, the author. when I think of Carrie, I rarely think of Leia. I think of her humor, her wisdom, her wit. she’s taught me a lot of about my own struggles with mental health, and when I have my bad depression days, she oft comes to mind. 

a year ago I quoted “Funeral Blues” by WH Auden:

the stars are not wanted now; put out every one,

pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,

pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;

for nothing now can ever come to any good.

it’s how I truly felt at the time: hopeless. devastatingly, utterly, novelty hopeless. how beautiful that this film comes to remind me, a year later, of what Carrie’s legacy should really be all about:

hope is like the sun. if you only believe it when you see it, you'll never make it through the night. 

thanks, Princess. thank you for giving us everything we need 💫

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