James (Schafrillas)

James (Schafrillas)

I talk about the giant shiny coconut crab from Moana for a living


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  • Mulan



    worthless. It strips the original film of nearly everything that made it special, but forgets to add anything worthwhile as a substitute. It is inferior to the original in literally every respect. If that's not enough, it also contains the most abysmal editing I've ever seen in a major motion picture. I'm baffled that Disney considered this theater-worthy for the longest time, and doubly insulted that they have the gall to charge $30 for such an irredeemably awful pile of garbage. A new low for the Disney live-action remakes.

    But at least it's better than Artemis Fowl.

  • How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World

    How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World


    Making it through this DreamWorks marathon was not an easy task. Getting so much shit shoveled into my face the past few days, from Trolls to Turbo to Boss Baby, was a deeply agonizing endeavor.

    But, I stuck it out because I knew this masterpiece was waiting for me at the end of the tunnel. What a tremendous swan song for a great studio and a phenomenal trilogy.

    I know there's still technically two movies left in the marathon, but in my heart, this is the DreamWorks series finale. It's been a somewhat rocky road, but films like this one made it all worth it.