Death Train ½

Whoa, whoa, WHOA now. Pepsi and Coke product placement in the same film? And here I was thinking this movie was incredibly boring, but then they throw THAT twist in your face!

Death Train is incredibly slow. You've got a great cast, filled out by Pierce Brosnan, Patrick Stewart, and Christopher Lee, but their dialog is so bland and poorly directed that Stewart and Lee are the only actors who were able to at least add some intensity behind their words.

And naturally, this film also was a propagator of ugly stereotypes that no one seemed to mind back in the 90s. The women are degraded for not being men (but then propped back up in a "hey now, women are to be respected, mmkay bud?" type way), and the one black man is referred to by his "hip" nature.

Then to cap it all off, the movie ends with a sweaty moment (literally, his forehead was dripping) of "do i cut the red wire, or the white wire?" which comes down to a lucky guess at the last second on the detonator.

Cliche after ancient cliche. Avoid this train wreck.