Midsommar ★★★★★

*I know this is long and I know it’s bad but I’m always going to have some shit to say about it

Ever since this came out there is this divide amongst people who either think the portrayals of mental illness are exploitive and negative (very valid criticisms and if you feel this way you are valid and I completely understand why you might feel this way!!) and others who find it explores many of the facets of mental illness realistically and provides catharsis and healing for trauma survivors.

I have spent a lot of time feeling guilty for falling into the latter group because I always take others opinions on things I love to heart and then I start to doubt myself and then I become a mess. 
 I’ve spent so many hours since July just reading essays, comments, reviews and reddit posts about people who fall on either side of the issue. 

But then I realized as a mentally ill trauma survivor I am as much a part of the conversation as they are and my opinions are valid too. 

My opinion is I love it in a way that feels different than my love of any other movie. I have never felt this specific type of connection to any piece of media in my whole life and trying to describe it to people drives me insane because it’s so personal and deep (and weird) and I just feel so much for it. 

Anyways this was awful but I just needed to say this as eloquently as possible which was difficult because halfway through the movie I’m pretty sure there was a mouse running through my ceiling so I ran out of the room to get something to stop it (not kill obviously) and I’m afraid it got loose and was watching the movie with me from the corner

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