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  • Freaky

    Freaky

    ★★★

    Freaky Friday the 13th going on 30, but with Mean Girls Lohan and pals energy.

    Also, do public schools actually have cryo-chambers for their Football players nowadays? I thought those were just for Mark Wahlberg?

  • True Stories

    True Stories

    ★★★★

    Golly, it's cuckoo at Pee-wee's Black Lodge!

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  • Suspiria

    Suspiria

    ★★★★½

    Remember that scene in Roald Dahl’s “The Witches”? The one where all the witches take off their human costumes, and as a kid you thought it was fucking terrifying? And then you rewatched it twenty years later and it’s still pretty scary, even as an adult? Yeah, 2018 Suspiria is basically like that. (In Elementsry school, a kid in my class asked to call his mom after we watched that movie. She had to come get him because he was so rattled, and was scared the teachers were all witches. That movie is serious business and so is Suspiria.)

  • Jackass Number Two

    Jackass Number Two

    ★★★★★

    Lol imagine thinking you’re too elevated for this. Great music, good pranks, best friends, Jackass. Five stars.