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  • Total Recall

    Total Recall

    ★★★★★

    95

    Love as memory - a harrowing action spectacle of unwavering totality. Verhoeven is in complete control of every movement, hue, and excessive, explosive burst. Simply a jaw-dropping analog entity. Total Recall confronts the illusion of homely spaces, the physical trek to and from the workplace, and the prodded designation of our society - each separating a larger threat of capitalistic complacency, and it kicks ass while doing it.

  • The Last Airbender

    The Last Airbender

    ★★★★

    72

    Listen, I get it. This is probably (most definitely) atrocious as adaptation. Even as someone who hasn't seen the original show, its plotting is frequently rushed and the representation issues of the main players is tough to stomach. There's no getting around its stilted mannerisms or over-reliance of digitality, but it's also a Shyamalan movie, so exactly none of that matters to me. What is so satisfying is, instead, The Last Airbender's preoccupation with nature, in addition to the…

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  • Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

    Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

    ★★★★½

    87

    Setting: Marvel Board Meeting

    Kevin: "And then I said, we already put in 3 end-credits scenes, how about 2 more?!?"

    *eruptive laughter*

    Marvel Exec #2: "You're such a card, Kevin."

    Kevin: "These movies don't make themselves!"

    Marvel Exec #3: "Well I mean they kinda do. That's why we installed that conveyer belt in northern Idaho and everything."

    Kevin: "You got me there!"

    *Meeting Room door opens*

    Kevin: "Well look who it is, our crazy director intern, come in James."…

  • Warcraft

    Warcraft

    15/100

    Me: Hi, I'd like one ticket for Warcraft please.

    Ticket guy: Did you bring your strategy guide?

    Me: Wait, what?

    Ticket guy: Have you played The Burning Crusade and Wrath of The lich King?

    Me: Waitwaitwait...slow down.

    Ticket guy: What about Cataclysm, Mists of Pandaria, and Warlords of Draenor?

    Me: I don't even know what a Draenor is.

    Ticket guy: Are you excited for Legion?

    Me: Is that based on the demon movie with Dennis Quaid?

    *Ticket guy sighs, rips ticket, and points the way towards the auditorium*

    Ticket guy: Good luck.