Thor: Ragnarok

Thor: Ragnarok ★★½


Setting: Marvel Board Meeting

Kevin: "And then I said, get the fuck off my movie, Edgar!"

*eruptive laughter*

Marvel Exec #2: "You really dodged a bullet there, Kevin!"

Kevin: "I can't let my brand be tarnished by undiluted creativity - what do I look like, an artist?"

Tanner: "You look like a Baseball dad with all the lids you wear."

*Kevin leans out of chair and shouts to his secretary*

Kevin: "Diane, why haven't we fired this fuck yet?"

Diane: "Sir, you said he could stay after you heard his suggestion of including Jeff Goldblum in your...I mean... Taika Waititi's new film."

Kevin: "Right. I'll allow it. Smart business move."

Marvel Exec #3: "So, Kevin, where are we with Ragnarok?"

Kevin: "I'm...I mean...Taika is just about finished with it. It's a true classic. Best film I've...I mean...he's made, even above the Vampire one."

Marvel Exec #4: "Can you give us a general rundown of what to expect?"

Kevin: "Sure! Imagine James Gunn's Guardians of The Galaxy entries, only lacking in any creative dexterity beyond surface-level 80s nerd-sci-fi nostalgia and ruined by a butchering of Waititi's breezy comedy."

Marvel Exec #4: "Wait..isn't.."

*Kevin interrupts*

Kevin: "In all honesty, I don't know why we hired him. We smothered his vision and artistic liberty so much that nothing is really left besides a scattered graveyard of unfunny quips and generic "save the world" stakes. It's wonderful! Like, we *really* destroyed how his comedy usually plays out on-screen, with MCU references and humorous set-up/pay-off jumbled into our formal Marvel Template. And audiences and critics will rave about it even though his general rhythm of comedy is completely slaughtered!"

Marvel Exec #4: "Will this product put us in the green and further our (mostly) unfounded brand narrative that we've been in the midst of a creative peak as a studio?"

Kevin: "Yes, indeed. And Taika Waititi's name and indelible public presence will force non-Marvel fans to go to the theater and pretend to enjoy themselves because they'll think it's a movie made by a person and not a committee! It's fool-proof!"

Tanner: "But it is made by a man. You're the person who made it, Kevin."

*Raises hand*


Marvel Exec #3: "So, what's next, Kevin, with Infinity War nearing?"

Kevin: Well, it'll keep going. We've hooked a general populace of humans to such a degree that their consumerist tendencies have no breaks, and they will continue to see the films because they believe they find personal value in the interconnected narrative. And those who fell off years ago and can't seem to escape are stuck, mainly because they think that to stop seeing them would only further the existential truth of the meaningless waste of seeing our earlier installments, both economically and socially. They need to spend more money to confirm they didn't waste any, and they need to keep seeing our films because the culture is embedded with our constant advertisement and persistence of relevance. I bet there are people out there, right now, mocking us in joke format reviews even as we take their money and they're left frustrated and confused at our success, likability, and, now with Black Panther, political complexity. We've won, and they'll keep coming."


Kevin: "OK, I'm out of here. Have a great Friday everybody. I'm taking my pet alligator down to the river. He needs to swim around, eat a few dogs, let off some steam."