smellington

smellington

Pro

Pinned reviews theme: Empire of the Apes #horror

Favorite films

  • The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
  • Suspiria
  • The Bride of Frankenstein
  • Weekend

Recent activity

All
  • Train

    ★★½

  • Haunted Tales

    ★★★

  • The Gosh-Darned Mortgage

    ★★★½

  • Suburban Nightmare

    ★½

Pinned reviews

More
  • Revolt of the Empire of the Apes

    Revolt of the Empire of the Apes

    ★★★

    Tina Krause in a Polonia Bros production with light bondage and nudity!?!!! To paraphrase the classic Rock band (heh) Powerman 5000, now I know what its like when worlds collide (what its like). I do wish she had a more substantial role. It's a good match. On the topic of actors needing more to do, Danielle Donahue is also in this, but mostly clips from the previous Empire of the Apes.
    Something is usually happening, and if you've seen Empire…

  • Empire of The Apes

    Empire of The Apes

    ★★

    Let’s say you have a hankering for some good old fashion no budget trash/schlock, but you have a bunch of kids running around the house. And as fully formed functioning adult, you have the cognitive development to recognize that the hookers getting stabbed in their vaginas flick (your standard viewing fare) isn’t very appropriate. Well the Polonia Bros. productions are usually a pretty safe bet. Empire of the Apes is basically family fare, outside the constant overwhelming never ending threat…

Recent reviews

More
  • Invasion of the Empire of the Apes

    Invasion of the Empire of the Apes

    ★★

    Empire of the Apes was one of those ‘boy, that was terrible, but I’d sure like to see more’ movies (kinda like that Fear St. movie), and Mark Polonia aims to please with not one but two sequels. And since I have reviewed Empire and Revolt of the Empire of the Apes, I am quasi-legally required to review this one. Invasion of the Empire of the Apes takes place in the future, but everything screams 2020. Everyone wears masks and…

  • White Massacre

    White Massacre

    ★★★½

    White Massacre, the second (but earlier) feature included in SRS's Young Gore -the Early Works of Marcus Koch, speaks to the universal truth that THE exploding head scene in Scanners is pretty rad and sick and worth rewinding and watching in slow motion over & over again. Early teen party goes awry, but Vision Street Gear, Air Walk, and Vuarnet fashions are well represented as well as D&D, and waiting until its dark to watch Scanners (and there's even a girl…

Popular reviews

More
  • Guinea Pig: Devil's Experiment

    Guinea Pig: Devil's Experiment

    ★★★

    I always wonder if its worth telling the story where Charlie Sheen saw this at a cocaine party at Chris Gore's house, and thought it was snuff, so he called the FBI to investigate, which in turn started a feud between Chris Gore and Chas Balun. Now if the names Chris Gore, and Chas Balun are familiar to you then you've probably know the story, if not, who gives a fuck. But that would be ignoring history, man. Chas Balun…

  • Mutilations

    Mutilations

    ★★★★

    I turned 42 today, so I took the day off from work and as the kids (at least the kids in my middle aged view point) would say #daydrinking. I know you're saying "goddamn it Smellington, we know you're middle age, stop bringing it up and the whole drunk review is sooooo 1990s", but on the other hand *************************, so fuck you. If you're confused, well so am I. Anyhoo, I've been anticipating seeing Mutilations for at least the past…