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  • Beach Massacre at Kill Devil Hills

    Beach Massacre at Kill Devil Hills

    ★★

    This was bad in a fun way, but there are definitely some bizarre choices being made. Like a scene of Diana Prince taking a shower shot through a glass door. Don't get me wrong, I'm very into that idea, but when she's not "washing" her tits, she's running her hands through her hair. You know, the way you do when you're trying to make sure it's thoroughly wet before you apply shampoo? Only you can tell there's no water running…

  • Furry Nights

    Furry Nights

    ★½

    Okay, so these assholes with a camera go camping so they can shoot some kind of weird monster movie in the woods. One of them sees a bear, so he shoots it, despite the fact that it wasn't coming at him and that shooting a bear with such a small gun isn't going to hurt it, it'll just piss it off. Anyway, it turns out it's not a bear, it's a dude in a bear costume, which he should've been…

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  • Cabin Fever

    Cabin Fever

    ★★★★½

    Hey, it's me, your shitty friend that'll defend Eli Roth to the death.

  • The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

    The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

    ★★★★★

    The fact that we don't all consider Marilyn Burns to be the Scream Queen is fucked up. She screams for like fifteen minutes straight, barely letting up. And they're not little yelps either, they're throat-burning, voice-losing, deafening screams. What a champ.

    Anyway, I'm thankful for Joe Bob Briggs, Darcy the mail girl's rack, and all of you. Happy Thanksgiving!