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  • Ninja III: The Domination

    Ninja III: The Domination

    ★★★

    Ultimate Canon Films stuff here. Shoehorning in what they think people liked about the most popular movies of the time, regardless of fit (Flashdance, the Exorcist, and... ninjas). The choreography is pretty sick, and I love ninjas in the daytime. I wish I'd seen this when I was 10. I would've never looked back.

  • Firestarter

    Firestarter

    Not terrible! Really an unsung Stephen King adaptation, but has to get docked a star for putting George C. Scott in "redface." Disgraceful, even then. But also, pretty classic Stephen King shit (indigenous characters who are magic/hunter-killers). Drew Barrymore is great in it. all-time awesome kid performance probably.

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  • The Octagon

    The Octagon

    This was gnarly. Just a truly bad movie from start to finish. Not fun-bad, just bad-bad. It's about 100 min, but feels interminable. It's maybe one of the most convoluted plots I've ever seen attempted on film, has virtually no stakes, and under-utilizes its best assets (Chuck Norris's martial arts abilities, and Ernie Hudson). The Octagon itself plays ... NO role in the movie, and Chuck Norris is as wooden as ever. Watch the first 10 min, and maybe the last 10, and save your weekend.