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  • Kickboxer: Retaliation

    Kickboxer: Retaliation

    ½

    I haven’t seen a single Kickboxer movie and only watching this because I’m way more excited for JIU JITSU than anyone probably should be (Frank Grillo, Tony Jaa, Nic Cage, Aliens, Are You Fucking Kidding Me) and needed to check out the director’s previous action work.

    I’ve got bad news and bad news. The bad news is this movie is not good, like at all. Now for the bad news: the action scenes straight gargles some fat hairy ballsacks. Like…

  • Return of the Street Fighter

    Return of the Street Fighter

    ★★★

    Man they sure neutered Sonny Chiba good this time. He was literally ripping dude’s dick off in the first movie but here the most excessive thing he does is knocking some guy in the forehead really hard until he falls over, a little bit. And a love interest (why). Really liked the variety of locations though, you get to see Sonny Chiba fights a bunch of naked dudes in a sauna.

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  • Hell or High Water

    Hell or High Water

    ★★★★★

    Texas is my favorite genre.

  • The Night Comes for Us

    The Night Comes for Us

    ★★★★½

    Basically The Raid 3, except possibly better than The Raid 3 that we would’ve gotten. Lacks the slick choreography, camerawork, and editing of Gareth Evans movies but more than makes up for it with the sheer brutality of the fight scenes and buckets and buckets and buckets, and buckets of gore. Seriously this thing is borderlining splatter horror. Certain review called it the “Action Cinema’s DEAD ALIVE” and I couldn’t think of a better analogy myself. It’s just so gleefully…