Captain Marvel ★★★★½

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

⭐️💥💫H✨O💫P✨E🎇✨🦄 I 💐S ✨🌌🔥K😲I💫N🎆D✨L🌌E💫🎇D✨💖🌟

1/ When I was a kid, my best friend and I wouldn't play Batman, or G.I. Joe. We'd play Supergirl. I was Supergirl. I had a cape: it was green. I had a green Supergirl cape. I thought about that cape tonight for the first time in thirty years.

2/ I could not tell you if it is more ingenious to have Stan Lee turn out to be a Watcher, or to have Stan Lee turn out to be Stan Lee. I will say, and this movie will agree with me however, that I love Stan Lee.

3/ There's a turn for Ben Mendelsohn's character that I suppose I ought to have seen coming (although I tend to never see those kinds of things coming) that made the whole third act so moving that I was sort of in a transported state of euphoric joy for the last 40 minutes of this movie. When Carol sparked up and flew off into the night sky I was a unicorn shooting fireworks out of my eyes.

4/ GOOSE PULLING 5 GS

5/ You get a movie Monica. I promise. By all that is holy you will GET A MOVIE, MONICA

6/ Pinar Toprak crushed the god damn ever loving SHIT outta this

7/ Sam Jackson running an old man run while every other mechanism at the movie's disposal is desperately trying to convince us he's a young man is a very direct statement about this exact moment in time.

8/ Melinda May not being in the base raid sequence was 100% unforgivable

9/ Literally the two best stingers in the MCU. Ok maybe the shawarma one is better but hairball Tesseract gives it a close fucking shave. And THAT whip-pan ended my life

10/ There's a thing in trailers where they sometimes stumble upon better image systems than the movies themselves and I swear to you, I spent the last six months thinking the stand up montage was going to be one of those times. It. Is not. One. Of those times. The Buffy reference, in particular, struck me right down to the cells in the centre of my bones.

11/ The majority of the general moments are just kinda ok, in terms of how they look. The big moments, though? Fleck and Boden are coming for Christopher Nolan's ass, boy. In Carol's power-origin moment at the crash site I think I saw God. Brie Larson knew exactly where she was going with this and she landed that jet on a dime.

12/ I got a big, beautiful, uncomfortably large SUPERGIRL '84 poster and it is going on the biggest wall in my house, framed and mounted. I've been waiting for this movie, pretty much, since the first time I saw that movie. You will believe a girl can fly.

YOU'RE DEAD THANOS!!!!

DEADDD!!!

DEEEEAAAAAAADDDDDDDD!!!!!

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