• Black Mirror: Arkangel

    Black Mirror: Arkangel

    ★★½

    Garrus from Mass Effect 2 teams up with Gabriel from the Bible in this buddy cop movie where Gabriel tries to make sure Garrus only dreams of Femshep and hot asari babes while Garrus just wants to go out and explore the dangers of space and horrors of galactic war for himself.

  • Black Mirror: Crocodile

    Black Mirror: Crocodile

    ★★½

    Enter a world where Liverpool has merged with Scotland into an arctic tundra, people radically change hairstyles and crocodiles rule the world.

    Lol jk everybody gangsta till the hamster walk in amirite kids.

    Cameo appearance from rapper Bugsy Malone surprising but welcome

  • Filth

    Filth

    ★★★½

    Filthy man with filthy colleagues and filthy wife fucks filthy other person's wife and filthy prostitutes and even filthy underage girl and nearly fucks filthy German women but not really then he filthlights his filthy Christian friend and fucks his filthy wife holy fuck this is filthy he has to go see filthy spooky psychiatrist man with filthy accent and then gets dressed up all filthy like and gets the absolute filth whacked out of him.


    3.5/5 needs more filth

  • Burn After Reading

    Burn After Reading

    ★★★★

    My PS4 decided to burn the disc of this film as instructed so disappointingly I will not be rewatching this film (also maybe the Russians are watching me).

    Lots of very famous actors play themselves and fuck each other lots.

  • Pan's Labyrinth

    Pan's Labyrinth

    ★★★★½

    Maze full of Spanish frying pans, weird goaty dudes and big sad.

    Spanish buzz lightyear fucking blasts off to infinity several times what a cuddly man.

    Really loved the bit with White Guy, I woulda deffo had some scran with that lad

  • The Lighthouse

    The Lighthouse

    ★★★½

    Batman and Willem Defuq you ain't Robin team up on a shit mission to go to black and white island where everything is shit and you just want to fuck things for no reason to defeat the one woman in all of Lighthouseland.

    My favourite bit was when the Lighthouse grew a dick and fucked me in the feels

  • The Personal History of David Copperfield

    The Personal History of David Copperfield

    ★★

    Trotwood dickwad fuckface spends 2 hours about random lol XD times he spends with other random fuckos including:

    -Doctor Who the Fuck Are You
    -Kiteboy from Justice League
    -Jimmy Poshtwat
    -Ham from Toy Story
    - Stormzy
    - The Personal History of Peggotty
    - Wormy Motherfucker
    -Oliver Twist looking fuck

    What the fuck did I bother listening to this arseholes life story for

  • Borat Subsequent Moviefilm

    Borat Subsequent Moviefilm

    ★★★★½

    Woah they put Kazakh guy in modern day no waaaaaay dude omg.

    Really enjoyed that bit with the turnips and the cows.

    Really enjoyed that bit with the bitey vagina.

    Tbf I could say this about every single scene.

    Disappointing that naked man fight was removed this time tho.

    My favourite character was coronavirus.

  • Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

    Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

    ★★★½

    Got caught wanking while watching this film.

    Holy shit how did I not know about this film sooner. It has it all; haha naked men, haha antisemitism, haha dum dum America wowowowowow I donate all my Letterboxd money to make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazahkstan.

  • Alien

    Alien

    ★★★★½

    Tracy Beaker gets fuckin YEET-ed out into space with a nasty bloke.

    Fuck me it's been a while since I watched this film I forgot how Alieny it is.

  • The Cabin in the Woods

    The Cabin in the Woods

    ★★★½

    My personal favourite character is without a doubt Fornicus, Lord of Bondage and Pain can't wait to see him in Shed in the Woods.

    Really enjoyed that bit where Holden turned out to be an android holy shit that is mental.

    Wait wtf why doesn't Thor just use his lightning hammer.

    Ayyyyyy it's alright fellas incels get to live big up the batty man

  • Black Mirror: Hang the DJ

    Black Mirror: Hang the DJ

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Fuckin hell that's a big ass wall what if there are nights watch people on the other side and it turns out love people are wildings oh wait nvm OFC ITS A FUCKING SIMULATION
    Descartes is rolling in his grave rn but it dm because as Frank so aptly puts 'I think therefore I fuck'