Eternals ★★

I'd like to begin this review by giving a huge shoutout to all the people in my theater who clutched their pearls and exclaimed "oh my lawd" during the very basic, PG-13 sex scene in this movie.

Eternals for me was like the childhood memory of going over to a friend's house, playing a video game with them, but you load their save file in the middle of the game so you have no idea what's going on. Later on in life, you are reminded of this memory, so you find that game and buy it, only to discover the game isn't actually that good. This was a very odd reaction for me to have I think, because I've actually watched all the other MCU movies and shows (except for Black Widow) so I should have a better grasp as to what is going on in Eternals, but this movie is so confused at itself that its hard to comprehend why anything in this movie is happening.

I know I'm not alone when I say that the Marvel formula is wearing very thin at this point, and the whole progression of character introduction, world building, cgi fight, cgi boss battle feels lazy now. This isn't helped by the fact that this movie bites off way more than it can chew, and nowhere is this more apparent than in the over large, under written cast. The talented actors have very little opportunity to shine save for maybe Kumail Nanjiani as Kingo, whereas the actors that are struggling such as Angelina Jolie and Lia McHugh are done no favors by the writing or scenes in which they are inexplicably thrust into.

I love Chloe Zhao. The Rider is a masterpiece. While Nomadland wasn't my favorite film of last year, I can at least appreciate the artistry involved in it. Chloe Zhao is a talented, hardworking director, but she was the wrong person to helm this project. I like the quiet scenes she shines in, but as far as all the insane monster fights and god stuff, its not her forte at all.

The score is really forgettable. I am struggling to remember details about the characters. The end credits reveal is both the most insane, off-kilter choice the MCU has made thus far, and I truly think Marvel has jumped the shark with that reveal, but at the same time the end credits stuff was the best scene in the whole movie.

Eternals is unfortunately a sloppy, lazy mess. Everyone I've spoken with, read, or watched regarding this movie, even those who liked it, are all complaining of super hero fatigue. Nowhere is it more apparent that super hero movies are becoming nothing more than lucrative paychecks for casts and crews than in Eternals. I think if Marvel wants to keep its fanbase, they are really going to need to wow people again, and Eternals is anything but wow.

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