Jean Allen

Heya folks, it's me, The Seltzer Wonk, Running for President

Favorite films

  • Perfect Blue
  • Mikey and Nicky
  • Solaris
  • Carnival of Souls

Recent activity

  • Everything Everywhere All at Once


  • Spider-Man: No Way Home

  • Moonfall


  • Ishtar


Recent reviews

  • Everything Everywhere All at Once

    Everything Everywhere All at Once


    One of the most fantastic "Michel Dobbs" movies I've ever seen. See, my dad is two things: a Zen priest, and the son of new york art scene bohemians who rebelled against anything too high concept. So he loves a movie where the cosmic and philosophical themes are grounded in some clear story. Mr.Nobody was a movie he absolutely loved that I disliked and I think elucidates the point well, where a story about the fallibility of stories is grounded…

  • Spider-Man: No Way Home

    Spider-Man: No Way Home

    So I wanted to give this like a 3 on impulse. It is a very typical marvel movie but the actors are charismatic enough to make the patter that's in every single one of these fucking movies work. A perfect "movie on mids" that you put on in the background while you're doing something else to prevent cabin fever, slightly better than the median Marvel film.

    But then I rewatched Into the Spiderverse and actually got emotionally involved in it…

Popular reviews

  • Avengers: Endgame

    Avengers: Endgame

    It's been said a billion times about how shitty the studio system is, I've probably hit on this same note five times already just in these reviews, but it really just, truly pisses me off that we're living in this shitty world, living standards have been going down for my whole fucking life, and *this* is the mass culture we get. A thousand movies could have been made with this budget, a dozen hospitals staffed, but no, we get to…

  • World Apartment Horror

    World Apartment Horror

    A paean to 90s multiculturalism, where we can destroy the evils of nationalism by recruiting any random black guy, who's a witch doctor.

    Is it a comedy? no. Is it a horror? no. but exorcising your landlord might be a useful eviction defense strategy