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  • It Comes at Night

    It Comes at Night

    ★★★★★

    This is where I just lose all faith. A 3.3? A 3.3 for one of the best horror films in recent memory? Of the decade? If this just had a smidge more character development, then it would even be in the best horrors of all time. Think about this: this has lower average rating than Avengers: Infinity War. I’ll just let that sink in with my own, disappointed mind. 

    Holy shit on a horsestick. This is what happens when corona…

  • Boogie Nights

    Boogie Nights

    ★★★★★

    Lord of the Horniness: The Fellowship of The Porn

    Lord of the Horniness: The Two Tits

    Lord of the Horniness: Return of the Cum


    You could also supplant ‘horniness’ with ‘dings’ if you prefer

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  • Focus

    Focus

    ★★★

    I can’t figure out what’s nicer on this blu ray copy my Dad bought alongside my usual blu ray hauls. The veryyy nice colours and cinematography this film has, or Margot Robbie’s classic cleavage.

  • The Haunted Mansion

    The Haunted Mansion

    ★★★

    It’s a classic from my childhood, alright? Nostalgia galore. But, it’s also not nearlyyyy as bad as that 2.4 average rating suggests. 

    Yes, it is a cheesy kiddo’s movie. But it’s also so entertaining to me, the atmosphere’s really damn good, and that fuckin mausoleum scene is ridiculously frightening for some reason.

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  • Knives Out

    Knives Out

    ★★★★★

    Like how can I not give this 5 stars. It’s another one of those perfectly paced films you come across that is just...so....hooey, to quote Benoit. 

    This movie plays off of recent stereotypes, perfectly developed classic characters and plotting, and holy shit every time I see that rustic, intricately decorated mansion and those cozy pubs and streets I instantly aesthetic cum. 

    The more you see it, the more it grows on you. The more I see it, the more I realize I am Harlan.

  • Edge of Tomorrow

    Edge of Tomorrow

    ★★★★

    I changed my rating for Lord of War down to 3 stars, so you know that I don’t give out a prestigious 4 stars all this often. 

    This definitely ranks as one of the best action films in recent memory, and maybe even of all-time. It’s straight to the point and fast-paced, yet still can feel like a journey. Characters are great, premise is great, everything is great. Entertainment personified. My only gripe is the colour palette. I know, I know, it takes place in a dystopian world of warring against aliens, but that still doesn’t excuse the look for being so drab.