Jaws ★★★★★

Baby Shark

A few reasons why JAWS is the Ultimate 5 Star Blockbuster

The first three victims. Without saying names, a beautiful young lady, a cool doggie and a little child. We tend to care more when these 3 groups are the victims of horror movies. Especially, dogs! This proved no one was safe in the water, and Shark didn’t give a motherfuck fuck when choosing its next snack.

The musical score. John Williams is the real star of the movie. My lord! Mr Williams guides the audience with his hypnotic score. You kinda know it is safe to swim, by his music. When the score gets crazy like Prince, then you know the shit is about to go down. The score from Jaws is tied with John Carpenter’s Halloween as my all time favorite.

The Shark. Yeah, Shark is the motherfucker. Shark relentless. Shark evil. Shark hates you. Shark needs meat. Shark scary. Shark mocks you. Shark doesn’t stop until it has a fully full belly. Shark have tapeworm. Shark ain’t scared. Shark play games. Freddy has nightmares about Shark. Jason more scared of Shark than drowning. Michael Myers would run away from Shark. Props to the builders of Shark. Sharks looks practically real.

The unforgettable moments. When Stevie Spielberg fucks the camera lens to capture Brody’s expression when he realizes his kids are in a lot of trouble at the beach. Of course, the “Bigger Boat” moment. The way Roy Schneider utters the line is classic. Then he keeps saying it, which makes it a running gag. The battle scar comparison. A tender moment between Robert Shaw’s Quint and Richard Dreyfuss’ Hooper as they compare wounds. One of the greatest monologues, Qunit’s USS Indianapolis story. It gives you chills, even if Shaw does sound drunker than a skunk. It is such a powerful and well shot scene. Finally, how the solution is solved. The bros are on the hunt, and in my opinion, it ends with a very Big Bang. 

Imagine when we as masses didn’t go to the movies during Summer? Thanks JAWS we do now. People giving the sequels hell, when we live in the world of Sharknado 69. All the leads are the motherfuckers. JAWS, simply ain’t no joke.

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Todd Gaines liked these reviews