Rabid Dogs

Rabid Dogs ★★★★★

Mario Bava's tale of a trio of armed robbers that sat on the shelf due to the death of one of the film's financial supporters. Rabid Dogs remained unfinished for years after Mario Bava's death. His son, Lamberto, added scenes, redubbed some of the dialogue, extended the ending, changed the music, and released the film under the title Kidnapped. While Kidnapped is a very enjoyable film, Rabid Dogs is in my opinion Bava's true vision and thanks to Arrow Video we now have a high definition restoration of a true classic EuroTrash EuroCrime thriller. Car horn. Reliable wristwatch. Piggy noses. Shattered glass. Bloody stab. Fast footsteps. The opening heist is unreal. Raw and brutal without hardly any dialogue. There's so much tension you might forget to breathe as you're watching. That's the big difference between Rabid Dogs and Kidnapped. We don't need the unnecessary extra scenes to help the plot, corny redubbing for characters I can tell are straight up perverted psychopaths, and the new score sounds like a 70's porno and I have nothing against porno music, but Rabid Dogs is beautiful the way it was meant to be seen. The baddies ain't no joke. The leader, Doc, wears pimp motherfucker Ray-Ban sunglasses, sports an amazing wristwatch, and oozes badassery. He has a henchman nicknamed Blade due to his obsession with Wesley Snipes. Blade has wild hair, is a notorious ladies man, and is always looking to score. The other baddie wears a bad-to-the-bone muscle shirt ripped straight off a porn set and a beard that only the awesomely awesome could even think about growing. He goes by the nickname Thirty-Two due to his John Holmes-esque love muscle. Standoff. Neck stab. Thirty-Two's bubblegum. When you're on the run from the law, it's usually a smart idea to grab a hostage or two. However, you should be extra careful about what's hiding in the backseat. Blade's temperament. The car ride with the hostages and the baddies is the quintessential establishing dominance scene. We get to know just enough about the baddies and the hostages and the scene which is very long and wonderfully shot might just leave you breathless. The way Doc blows smoke. Maria's voluptuous eyes. Would you trust a hostage named Riccardo? Thirty-Two's giggle. Doc's chest hair. The score is John Carpenter good and I can't get it outta my head. Rich folks have air conditioning in their cars. Fender bender bribe. Sick kids need medicine to help them feel better. Piss stop. Cornfield run. Riccardo might be the hostage, but he has a silent but deadly look to him. An extra plus is he sports a pimpin' necktie. It's hot as a motherfucker and he's hardly sweating at all. That should be a clue that Riccardo is one cat you shouldn't fuck with. Scary scarecrow. Barking doggies. Maria's primal scream for help. Blade's black leather gloves. Panties dropping like it's prom night. The humiliation of the "Piss scene" brings an extra element of psychological horror and terror to an already bone crushing nerve-racking thriller. The way Thirty-Two's middle finger smells. Dong torture. No EuroTrash film is complete without a bottle of J & B Scotch. Tit distraction. Tit rub. Riccardo's mustache. Doc is one of the coolest and most sensible leaders in the history of baddies. He's smooth, calm, collective, and knows when to flex his leadership. If he wasn't a super villain, I would want to hang out with him. All five leads are perfectly cast. That's so rare in any film. There's usually at least one weak link, but Rabid Dogs's pitch-perfect casting leaves me screaming for more. The gas station attendant looks like Warren Oates's Italian twin brother. Even kidnappers should never pick up hitchhikers, especially if they won't shut up and wear 6 inch yellow stripper high heels. The way Blade plays with his blade. Thirty-Two's spit. Sometimes even the most bad of bad guys vomit. Fresh picked grapes are yummy. The security blanket. Holy motherfucker! While Kidnapped is a solid 4 star film and is easily available to view, I beg you to track down a copy of Rabid Dogs. I can't find a flaw in this masterpiece. Not only is Rabid Dogs probably the best EuroTrash film of all-time, it's one of the greatest films ever made. Raw. Brutal. Gritty. Unforgettable. Tense. Dramatic. Exciting. Breathtaking. Rabid Dogs is the motherfucker and I can't recommend it enough.

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