RoboCop ★★★★

Peter fuckin' Weller as RoboCop, takin' out the trash on the streets of Detroit one asshat at a time. Cold War shenanigans. ED-209's tiny-little glitch. The last time your ass volunteers for shit. A co-ed locker room. Officer Lewis is dressed to kill. A 70's show baddie. Bobby can't fly. A call you could really use some fuckin' backup on. Watching TV will get your ass killed. Bad fuckin' ass Murphy takin' more shots than Tupac, Biggie, and 50 Cent combined. Wakin' up from the dead. Extreme target practice. A new sheriff is in town. I'll buy that liquor store madness for a dollar. A perfect nut-shot. Savin' the mayor's ass. It's amazing what you can learn from sittin' on the shitter. George Clooney's cousin fucks with the wrong guy. Robo flashbacks. Realizing who the fuck you really are. A gas station goes kaboom mother fucker. A cocaine orgy. Cashing out Bob. A nose-candy shootout. Bookin' a fuckin' cop-killer. Ronny Cox is a fuckin' Dick. Robo Kryptonite. SWAT vs. Robo ends with a friendly face. Locked and loaded and ready for some dead-on shooting. Partners stick together. Surprise mother fucker! Dashboard splatter. The Reaper's boss gets blown sky fuckin' high. Sayōnara Mr. Forman. Fallin' Dick. Murphy is my name mother fucker. Fuck the remake! I have nothing against Joel Kinnaman but he ain't no Peter fuckin' Weller. A PG-13 RoboCop is like Sharon with her panties on, Casper shooting smurfs instead of giant alien bugs, and Elizabeth dancing with her clothes on. It just ain't fuckin' right.

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