contrary to what letterboxd says, this is actually my tenth time watching fight club, because i didn't log in the seven other times i watched it in the past year. i am entirely aware of fight club's faults and shortcomings. i understand this is not a movie (or story in general) for everyone. i understand those who rank pretty low on the list when it comes to ranking david fincher's movies from most to least accomplished. i understand this movie is primarily going to attract younger, white men purely because it's a story that pertains to them, and is much more immature in comparison to fincher's other films.

however.

ten times watching it and i still had this strong emotional reaction when the ending came. it's hard for me to explain to others why i love this movie so much, especially when so many people scoff or roll their eyes when they hear that this is someone's favorite movie. sure, i sort of fall in the audience for this movie -- i'm a young, white dude, but i'm gay and trans for that matter, so my whole perspective and attachment to this movie is entirely different from the typical fight club fanatic.

there was something about this movie that was so utterly captivating to me. the politics of it, the tongue-in-cheek attitude it had about itself. when i first watched this last year, i watched it right before some of the worst news of my life. and so in a way fight club was my own therapeutic outlet. maybe not entirely healthy, but it was there.

i'm typing all this out more for myself than for others, just because i adore this movie to bits and pieces and can't ever see myself not loving it even as i grow older just because it had such a profound impact in my life. it joins movies like singin' in the rain, the empire strikes back, and psycho for me, just because it represents such a huge turning point in my life and that was the movie that got me through it.

and in the end, this movie is truly about maturation and coming to terms with your true self and accepting the responsibility and inadequacies that come with it. i can't think of any other movie that would have resonated with me that hard as fight club did.