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  • Blade: Trinity

    Blade: Trinity

    ★★

    Hoo boy what went wrong.

    The director here may have been the screenwriter of the prior two movies, but he's also only directed three other movies. I can see why!

    A lot of the acting in this falls terribly flat even from the people I like — how miserable was Parker Posey doing this? did Kristofferson shoot his lines in less than a day of filming?  did he have somewhere else to be? — and the casting never Hits in…

  • Blade II

    Blade II

    ★★★★

    Just gonna copy my review from tweeting about it since it's nice and succinct:

    blade 2 is soooo fuckin sick, i did not realize going into it that del Toro directed it and the melt/goo levels were off the damn charts. way stupider/less political plot than 1 but aesthetically cooler in almost every way. needed a Blood Rave though

    It really is much stupider than 1 but the action and goop stuff is pretty much universally better, so winds up on even footing with the original.

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  • Bad Boys II

    Bad Boys II

    ★★★½

    There's a scene in the first half hour where the boys chase a car hauler trailer while the gang they're chasing unloads the cars at them, and it feels like it never really reaches that high again.

    Still, some of Bay's most memorable setpieces — there's a particularly nice looking standoff inside a Haitian gang hideout — along with the choking dose of copaganda that was often the price of admission for a ride like this back then. Wildly though,…

  • Final Destination 3

    Final Destination 3

    ★★

    Garbage compared to the first two, but look we know why you're here, and the movie *does* indeed have that, even though they fuck up the big disaster setpiece in the beginning and it's not even that scary. It also has Mary Elizabeth Winstead printing off pictures of Abraham Lincoln and 9/11.