• Black Sabbath

    Black Sabbath

    ★★★★★

    Possibly the best anthology horror out there? Every segment is just so beautifully done with exquisite sets and the best use of color possible. It’s completely apparent watching this that Argento honed his masterwork from assisting Bava.

    I used to claim The Telephone as my favorite segment and in some ways it still is. I love the story, but even more I love the set. That apartment is my fucking dream pad. So gorgeous and lavishly stylish and it’s still…

  • Camp Cold Brook

    Camp Cold Brook

    ★★½

    It’s nothing great or groundbreaking, but it’s a fairly entertaining time waster. Obviously I chose it because Chad Michael Murray is a hot-T and Danielle Harris is a cute-T and they both give their all for this which is probably more than it deserves.

    The ghosts look pretty stupid, but the camp itself is a cool location and there’s some nice camerawork. The ending was just not enjoyable for me at all. Like in spite of all the flaws I…

  • Slash Dance

    Slash Dance

    ★★★★★

    I am just shocked that not a single person I follow rated this higher than 3 stars and almost everyone rated it 2 or below?!! This was the very definition of a Disasterpiece! This is the height of terrib........ly fucking wonderful!!

    I actually remember this VHS box from my beloved local video store and it is a beautiful cover full of Fashion. Even as a little gay boy that boob tube top left a vivid memory seared into my brain. Fashion.…

  • Llamageddon

    Llamageddon

    ★★★★

    Y’all know I LIVE for this kind of ridiculous shit, right? Like I can’t believe I hadn’t heard of this until recently. A llama from outer space that descends upon earth and kills people is just 110% MY SHIT.

    And it is some good shit! The beginning is a little bit shaky, but once the llama starts killing people I was all in. Fun kills, bad acting, super cheap but honest effects, it’s all a damn good time. This movie…

  • The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning

    The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning

    ★★★★

    There’s just something about that super grimy mid-00’s horror aesthetic that I love so much. Just yellowed out and dirty as hell and makes you feel like you need a tetanus shot just from watching it. Good stuff!

    This remake sequel tries a little too hard to outdo the remake and ends up falling behind it as a result, but I still enjoy it way more than I should every time I watch it. I’m not here to tell anyone…

  • Sun Don't Shine

    Sun Don't Shine

    ★★★★

    Loved this, but it sure wasn’t horror! I say that only because I know this was on Shudder for a while and it’s not even remotely horror. But I love Amy Seimetz and I love what she does.

    That Florida aesthetic is just so sweaty it’s hard to believe something like Disney World even exists in such a place. The characters are so weird and interesting that they hold your full attention throughout. The lead actor is very cute, but…

  • His House

    His House

    ★★★★½

    Imagine Us, but deeply emotional and beautifully heartbreaking. Imagine Hideo Nakata’s Dark Water, but even more focused on the pain and loneliness of losing a child. That’s kind of what you get with this British horror about a refugee couple that moves into a haunted apartment. It’s heavy stuff and honestly that’s why I put it off for a bit, but goddamn is it worth the ride.

    There are scares aplenty, but at its core this is a story about…

  • Open 24 Hours

    Open 24 Hours

    ★★★½

    I ended up enjoying this one quite a bit! I wasn’t expecting a whole lot given the directors previous efforts, but in terms of atmosphere, this one delivers hardcore. A girl who suffers paranoid delusions works alone at a 24 hour gas station and it rains all night and everything is your typical “middle of nowhere” run down road stop creepy. I really liked the yellow lighting outside the building.

    For a single location movie, it makes pretty good use…

  • Boo

    Boo

    ★½

    So I first saw this back when it came out on the SyFy channel in 2005 and absolutely fucking hated it. I mean, I hated everything about it. I though it was cheap and corny and all the characters were awful and it relied entirely on your most basic ass jump scares for the entire runtime and I was just very displeased. But I was also on a whole lot of Adderall back in those days so after a literal…

  • The Killer Eye

    The Killer Eye

    ★★★

    Damn David, I’m not sure you even know what the hell this movie was supposed to be about and I know I sure as shit didn’t, but that never did stop me from enjoying anything before and this is no exception.

    I won’t lie, I was on my tablet for a good chunk of this so I was only half paying attention, but the times I was it seemed like I was watching some bisexual soft core porn and I…

  • Return To Splatter Farm

    Return To Splatter Farm

    ★★★★½

    Thirty plus years after the OG classic Splatter Farm, Mark Polonia and Jeff Kirkendall decide to release a sequel and honestly the timing couldn’t be better. It’s almost the end of one of the worst years in history and miraculously there’s a light shining. First we got the election results that (barely) restored my faith in humanity and then we got this delightful movie. It looks like we are gonna end this shit show on a high note after all…

  • In Darkness

    In Darkness

    ★★★½

    This was fun even if it was absolutely nothing like I expected. I was thinking it was going to be a little cat and mouse thriller with a mousy blind girl outdoing some bad guys, but then like all of a sudden there’s spies and espionage and nobody is who you thought they were and honestly it’s all a little bit much, but it’s still entertaining. I was just expecting something a little more low key and instead got Natalie…