Titanic ★★★★★

Note: its 6am and im the only one awake rn and needed somewhere to put out my feelings. 

On July 21st, 2022, my mom passed away. The Depression and anxiety got to her.

I hadnt fully 100% seen a movie since. I love doing so. Its all ive done for the past year because Ive been very depressed since September 2021. School was changing, i was gonna be an adult soon. I realized i didnt get a full four years of high school. It sucked. I missed late 2019-2020. I even liked 2021 up until September. But things change. My mom is an immigrant and doesn't like movies to much but she watched with me when i asked because she knew how much i loved movies. She was a great woman. She told me back in 2019 how she saw titanic in theaters in her country with her then boyfriend at the time. People were crying, so many people went to see it. It was a big movie

On December 19th 2019 i saw the movie for the first time , on the day it came out 22 years ago, while my mom baked in the kitchen for a school party my sister was having. I watched it on my ps4. The next day i showed it to my mom and it was her first watch since theaters. We were both in tears. February 14th, 2020. We watched it together again for the last time. Fast forward april 15th 2022 to the anniversary of the ship sinking, i watched it again for the first time in two years. I knew my mom probably didnt want to watch with me, but if i asked she probably would have because she loved me and did anything she can to make me happy. But i didnt. And i watched it alone and cried as I was in a depressive state. Wishing I could go back to 2020 and the good times before.

I started watching this at 1am on netflix. I finished at 6am because of the tears and constant pauses. Easily the hardest watch of any movie i went through. It hurt. Alot. But thats the power of cinema. It can give us great memories that try to help push us forward. 

When i was first watching movies, i use to always zoom in because i hated the black bars. I just laugh at myself now. In this watch, thats what i did. I zoomed in because  thats what i did when i first watched this movie.

I miss my mom so much. Imagine waking up everyday for 17 years and seeing somebody. Now you wont ever see that person again. I never felt the phrase "i feel like my heart got ripped out of my chest" but now I do. I havent slept or eaten alot lately. Its a terrible thing

This movie is truly a masterpiece. Greatest romance film of all time. Fantastic editing. Iconic moments. That last hour is one of the greatest achievements in cinema history. I love this movie so much. Seeing Rose go through depression hit me so hard. The scene where she attemps suicide is heartbreaking, and so is that ending. The part where Jack talks about living life and everyday to your fullest. It hits so hard. This movies A technical achievement.

Love you mom

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