Lady Bird ★★★★★

In about two months I will be leaving this part of my life behind and will be going off to college. This movie has always been special to me because I really value my time and I never want high shcool to end. I like this movie and I wish my life were like it, or at the very least I wish it felt cinematic. I like teen movies the best, and as I’m nearing the end of high school I am becoming more and more fearful that this period was not good. It was not cinematic, it was not fun, it was not fulfilling. I am not satisfied. 

Last summer I watched this two days in a row while I was in Texas touring a college. After I watched it the second time I made a bucket list of everything I wanted to do senior year. How to make it cinematic, how I could be a story people would care about. I always felt like I had time. I first saw this at the beginning of junior year, plenty of time to change and better myself. To become satisfactory. Now with only two months left, I am feeling as though I have failed, and I am scared. 

I am not someone who escapes to other worlds when I watch movies. I am someone who watches movies to get inspiration on how I want to be, how I want to live my life. I don’t want to escape. I want to be here in my world. I am not usually scared of change, I am just so sentimental and I cherish this period so.

This particular viewing hit me pretty hard. I am going to a dance show in an hour. I am certain it will be a cinematic moment. Maybe my life doesn’t feel like a movie right now, but it probably will in 10 years when I look back. I fear I failed and it won’t be that way. 

Happy International Women’s day.

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