Glass Onion

Glass Onion ★★★★

What’s Lionsgate’s biggest fumble is Netflix’s scope up touchdown. To this day, nobody knows why they gave it up to the biggest streamer in the world, as they desperately needed their next Hunger Games-like franchise, although the pandemic and how the former would respond had something to do with it. While it worked out for the best, as shown below, Netflix having this meant the unthinkable for those who know the red one well: will it be in theaters or not? Thankfully and miraculously, Netflix struck a deal with America’s big 3 movie theater chains: AMC, Cinemark (which has already played their movies beforehand all of this), and Regal, for a one week only showing of the next installment of the Knives Out “trilogy”, but before you ask? “Tumble, but you live in the Caribbean. How are you gonna get out of this one?” Well this story has a happy, yet unfortunately bizarre ending. There’s only one theater chain in all of Puerto Rico: Caribbean Cinemas, and don’t get me wrong, despite their stupidity with presaling Marvel tickets a week before release they are responsible for the largest IMAX in the Caribbean (Montehiedra) and secretly the Fine Arts in Popular and Miramar are godtier in their own right. But what about their involvement in this case? Unlike all of you, we have a small theater count, and 28 theaters isn’t enough, and from what I saw on their Facebook, and I quoted what they said: “The studio is the one who established this distribution model of this content and they required us that we’ve show it in a single theater for one week only. We apologize for the inconvenience, we hope that you will see it on the big screen”. So, who is the unfortunate soul who will be its island home for this very week? The largest mall in the Caribbean and in Puerto Rico overall, Plaza Las Americas. Opened in 1968, the home of the first JCPenney, Macy’s and Sears outside of America, was, until unfortunately last month, the last Kmart in the island, and has the highest grossing Chili’s and Romano’s Macaroni Grill. Why I mention all of this is because, why I wanted a detective like intro for myself on this very review, I wanted all of you to know some Puerto Rican history, just in case you come visit one day

But now that I finish my sweet tale of information, let’s now talk about, finally, Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

It takes place in the summer of 2020, when the coronavirus pandemic and the Black Lives Matter movement are in full shape (but thankfully not discussed here). Private detective Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig) is pulled out of his pandemic depression when a puzzle box arrives at his door with an invitation to attend a murder mystery party. Once he gets to the private island of visionary billionaire Miles Bron (Edward Norton), who's also invited several famous celebrity guests, Blanc realizes that the murder mystery game has set the stage for an actual murder to occur

Writer/director Rian Johnson slices and dices social influencers with sharp humor here, leaving viewers wiping away tears of laughter. This satirical whodunit peels back the layers of modern day movers and shakers to reveal that, when you get to the core of an arrogant genius, a fabulous fashionista, or a blowhard YouTuber, there's often nothing there. It's a wink, but you might need a little help to understand the brilliance of Glass Onion's title, but even if they don't put it all together, the comedy pierces celebrity/privileged culture in plenty of other, more obvious ways. In other words, it's hard to imagine that anyone won't enjoy Johnson's Benoit Blanc sequel

Is it better than Knives Out? Well, no, because with that excellent film, Johnson reinvigorated the entire murder mystery genre. It felt so refreshingly new in 2019, and in the three years since its release, others have tried their hand at the whodunit with some pretty impressive productions, meaning the bar is even higher now. But still, Glass Onion rolls as one continuous slick burn. And if there's one thing we know about onions, it's that when they're raw, they bite, but the longer they cook, the sweeter they become

So remember, if you’re even vacationing in Puerto Rico and want some clear entertainment, great stores, a beautiful view of the Hato Rey portion of San Juan or just wanna kill some time, visit Plaza Las Americas, "el centro de todo"

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