Ty Boyd

I rate everything 3.5 stars because I am depressed and that seems to be as enthusiastic as I get on the reg WHAT IS THIS LIFE.

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  • Halloween

    Halloween

    I found this wildly unpleasant. Zombie is obviously at least somewhat proficient as a filmmaker, but it doesn't feel like he's working any end I can determine. Tyler Mane is well cast, and I liked the addition of the Strode parents.

    Anyway, those are genuinely the only thoughts I had on this movie, so instead of belaboring the point I'll say this: when I get to make MY Halloween, as we all obviously get to do, I think it would…

  • Halloween: Resurrection

    Halloween: Resurrection

    Busta Rhymes is actually the only good thing about this one. As much veneration the great franchises of horror recieve, it's really interesting to learn over the course of these movies that it all comes exclusively from the fan community. In 2002 you could still have a sequel to one of the pillars of contemporary horror where Harvey Scissorhands comes in like "OK, so kill the old bitch in the first scene. Now get me a ton of fuckin webcams,…

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  • Halloween H20: 20 Years Later

    Halloween H20: 20 Years Later

    ★★

    Boring where Curse was stupid, but at least this one has LL Cool J reading bad smut. Ottman's score (feat. Beltrami & fuckin' Creed) is peak Film Reboot Garbage, long before the current arms race.

  • Santa Girl

    Santa Girl

    ★½

    I am saddened to announce that Ned, he of the Declassified School Survival Guide, is a babe now.