The Hateful Eight ★★★★★

A soldier, sheriff, and a criminal walk into a room—
Diametrically opposed foes!
They emerge with a homicide,
endless shots fired
while the door was nailed closed, closed!
The soldier emerges with a life-threatening injury,
bleeding out, but giving justice however he wants,
the Confederate emerges with a letter from Lincoln—
and here’s the piece de resistance…

No one else was in the room where it happened,
the room where it happened, the room where it happened—
no one else was in the room where it happened,
the room where it happened, the room where it happened!
No one really knows how the game is played,
the art of the raid,
how the escape gets made!
We just assume that it happens—
‘cause no one else is in the room where it happens!

Daisy claims!
“Channing Tatum came upon the Haberdashery one day,
in distress and disarray.”
Daisy claims!
“I was kidnapped! I had nowhere else to turn!
I simply had to kill Minnie and co that day,”
Daisy claims!
“I approached my brother, saying
I know the hangman
so let’s hear what he has to say,”
Daisy claims
“well, I arranged the meeting,
I arranged the hangman, my brother, the greeting!”
But!

No one else was in the room where it happened,
the room where it happened, the room where it happened—
no one else was in the room where it happened,
the room where it happened, the room where it happened
no one really knows how the parties get to yes,
the generals that are sacrificed, shot while they’re playin’ chess—
we just assumed that it happened—
cause no one else was in the room where it happened!

Meanwhile,
John Ruth is grappling with the fact that
him and the criminal probably have a history,
meanwhile,
somebody, distracted, took a drink of poison coffee—
[vomiting sounds]
It isn’t pretty…
Then Warren tells a story bout’ some snow and a blowjob,
the general gets angry, everyone gets their guns drawn—
“maybe we could solve one problem with another,
and team up against Daisy with the Southerner! In other words…”
“A quid pro quo?”
“I suppose.”
“Wouldn’t you like to figure out this crime on our own?”
“Actually, I would…”
“Then I propose our own trial.”
“And you’ll provide me with Daisy?”
“Well, we’ll see how it goes.”
“Let’s go.”
“NO!”

—one else was in
The room where it happened,
the room where it happened,
the room where it happened!
No one else was in
the room where it happened,
the room where it happened,
the room where it happened!
My god, we can discuss
but only Tarantino knows who to trust!
Click, boom, then it happened—
and no one else was in the room where it happened!

MAJOR MARQUIS WARREN!
What did they say to you to get you to hang Daisy D. up from the ceiling!
MAJOR MARQUIS WARREN!
Were you suffering from blood loss, did the shot to your genitals leave you reeling?
MAJOR MARQUIS WARREN—
Or did you know, even then, it didn’t matter what you did to Daisy Domergue?
Cause’ everybody’s dead,
we’re in the same spot.
We only got this far,
we’re never getting to Red Rock!
When you got skin in the game,
better stay alive,
cause you don’t get top billing
‘less you try to survive!
Oh, you get blood for it, when you wait for it,
you get nothing except hate for it,
hate for it, hate!

God help and forgive me,
cause no one in the haberdashery’s gonna outlive me!
Listen up audience, listen up audience…
…if you want simplicity, than go see the Revenant!

I, I wanna see in
the room where it happens,
the room where it happens…
I, I wanna see in
the room where it happens,
the room where it happens…

I wanna see in
The room where it happens!
The room where it happens!

I wanna see in the room
Where it happens,
The room where it happens…

I wanna see in
the room where it happens!
The room where it happens!
The room where it happens! (I’VE GOT TO SEE!)

I wanna see in
the room where it happens!
The room where it happens!
The room where it happens!

The art of the homicide—
hold your nose and close your eyes!
You want directors to make our day—
you don’t get a say in what they write away!
We dream about film and art—
but got snubbed for awards for the most part!

Becomes a tomb, where it happens,
Quentin, film into the room where it happens!
I wanna see in
the room where it happens,
I want to see in
the room where it happens
I’ve got to see in
the room where it happens,
I gotta see, I gotta see…

I wanna see in the room where it happens!
Click, BOOM!