Varan_the_Man

Varan_the_Man

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Low budget doesn’t mean low effort

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  • Patrick Still Lives!

    Patrick Still Lives!

    ★★★★★

    Primo Italian knockoff sleaze. Superimposed eyes, psychic murders, every woman gets completely undressed bush and all (thank you movie), feels like it was made for pennies, and the eternally hot Mariangela Giordano gets a poker graphically shoved up her vagina and out her mouth.

  • Weathering with You

    Weathering with You

    ★★★★½

    I too share Makoto Shinkai’s fetish for gorgeously animated rain.

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  • Killing Birds

    Killing Birds

    ★★

    Dumb people get killed by a lone (?) zombie who shows up at the 55 minute mark.

    No one is killed by birds.

  • The Beheaded 1000

    The Beheaded 1000

    ★★★★

    Almost unexplainable for just how bonkers this imaginative effects showcase truly is.

    Nonstop lighting effects (there’s so much lightning, lasers, glowing objects, it’s insane), green-screened beheadings, a imp puppet, a kaiju-sized spirit, castration, a cgi dragon, cannibal meat buns, and a dope sequence with glowing green ghost spiders that sound like King Ghidorah.

    So yeah it’s weird.

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  • The Hurricane Heist

    The Hurricane Heist

    ★★★½

    How am I supposed to hate a movie where our main character uses the hurricane to turn a hubcap into a killer frisbee, impaling a dude through the chest?

  • Suspiria

    Suspiria

    ★★★★★

    “Bad luck isn't brought by broken mirrors, but by broken minds.”

    Dario Argento’s fever dream.

    A fantastical acid trip into a world of endless hallways, colors bleeding through the scenery, mysterious sounds echoing just on the other side of a door, a soundtrack of creepy ~ la la las~, and style, style, style.

    It might be too soon to say this, but this is Peak Argento.

    The atmosphere is so incredibly overbearing, you’re never in a state of relaxation. You…