• Identity Theft: The Michelle Brown Story

    Identity Theft: The Michelle Brown Story

    ★★½

    Why does she look like Lindsay Lohan and Jodie Foster’s love child it’s uncanny. The movie was dogshit tho.

  • Closer

    Closer

    ★★★★

    I think I just speed ran all five stages of grief so many consecutive times that nothing means anything anymore.

  • Girl, Interrupted

    Girl, Interrupted

    ★★★★

    Telling my psychiatrist that I’m hearing voices again ❌
    Telling myself that I am simply in my Girl, Interrupted era ✅

  • The Royal Tenenbaums

    The Royal Tenenbaums

    ★★★★½

    Okay, but incest movies are 50/50 split in being either one of the best movies ever or absolute garbage. There aren’t any mid incest movies. Just an observation.

  • Catch Me If You Can

    Catch Me If You Can

    ★★★★

    It’s almost exactly like one of my favorite movies Heat (1997) in terms of the core characterization details I love except it doesn’t end in an absolutely soul-crushing, emotionally obliterating way and it doesn’t contain Al Pacino yelling “SHE’S GOT A GREAT ASS,” so that immediately docks it at least a full star. Unacceptable, do better.

  • Spider-Man: No Way Home

    Spider-Man: No Way Home

    ★★★★

    Well, shit, THAT’S not something you see everyday 😳

  • Red Notice

    Red Notice

    It’s so archetypal of every single spy movie made before 2010 that it basically functions as a genre parody—except I just KNOW that Rawson Marshall Thurber definitely thought that he had written the coolest, smartest, most badass thing ever to exist.

    It had so many comically predictable plot twists between three parties that it was basically a Wild Things (1998) reboot, seriously, IT EVEN HAS ITS FINAL TWIST ON A BOAT??? Like, COME. ON. I was half-expecting to hear 🎵mmm, whatcha sayyyy🎵 start playing the next time one of them whipped out a gun on the other.

  • The Game

    The Game

    ★★★★

    Jesus Christ, that was exhausting to just watch.

  • Ghostbusters: Afterlife

    Ghostbusters: Afterlife

    ★★★

    Idk the dad jokes were really good and Bill Murray was in it. That’s about it. Who’s gonna tell them that a stacked cast and a pinch of nostalgia doesn’t make it good?

  • Heathers

    Heathers

    ★★★★

    “Our love is God, let’s go get a slushie.”

    Oh my god, the dialogue in this movie is so good.

  • Something Borrowed

    Something Borrowed

    ★★

    It was bad, then it was good, the it was worse, then it was great, then it was horrible. 

    PLEASE I didn’t think it was possible for a romcom to end with more unresolved tensions than it began with. I mean, that has to be breaking some sort of cosmic romcom law, right? This is what I get for succumbing to the straight agenda instead of watching a real film 💔

  • Mulholland Drive

    Mulholland Drive

    ★★★★½

    Mulholland Drive is just Pulp Fiction’s mentally-ill cousin that’s off it’s meds, I love it.

    Also, this is yet another film I should add to my “movie recommendations from my religious, homophobic father that were completely out of pocket” list.