Tales for None: Bizarre and Outlandish Children's Films

Children are both blessed and cursed with a complete ignorance of canon. For children of the 80s and 90s, the video store shelf was democratizing. Classic Disney one day, The Peanut Butter Solution the next. Young Millennials have perhaps even more undifferentiated access, scanning any weirdo options on Netflix, Youtube, and "on-demand" television.

Flicks like The Land of Faraway and George's Island can leave young minds feeling disoriented and even betrayed. Beyond this more esoteric notion, some of these films--ostensibly created for children--are just plain terrifying, grotesque and/or inappropriate. I've tried to represent much of La Fete's "Tales for All" series of films.

As an adult, I've found myself seeking out strange family and children's films, not to recall past traumas, but as part of an overall diet of genre and "WTF" movies. Here are some of my favorite twisted, disorienting children's films, both childhood (least) favorites and recent discoveries. As always, suggestions are welcome.

  • Creating Rem Lezar
  • Lady in White
  • Mio in the Land of Faraway
  • Badi
  • Topo Gigio and the Missile War
  • The Peanut Butter Solution
  • Cameron's Closet
  • Making Contact
  • Carnival Magic
  • Tommy Tricker and the Stamp Traveller
  • The Return of Tommy Tricker
  • The Phoenix and the Magic Carpet
  • Pet Shop
  • Nukie
  • The Adventures of Mark Twain
  • Child of Glass
  • Prehysteria!
  • The Aurora Encounter
  • The Young Magician
  • George's Island
  • Gooby
  • Mac and Me
  • Biokids
  • The Drifting Classroom
  • The Boy Who Could Fly
  • The Great Land of Small
  • The Hugga Bunch
  • Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny
  • The Glitterball
  • The Garbage Pail Kids Movie
  • The Willies
  • Where the Toys Come From
  • Solarbabies
  • Quest
  • The Worst Witch
  • D.A.R.Y.L.
  • Shrunken Heads
  • Adventures in Dinosaur City
  • The Halloween Tree
  • Howard the Duck
  • The Electric Grandmother
  • The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter
  • The Magic Voyage
  • The Wonderful Ice Cream Suit
  • The Gate
  • Something Wicked This Way Comes
  • Quigley
  • The Christmas Martian
  • The Dog Who Stopped the War
  • The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T.
  • Remote
  • The Fantastic Adventures of Unico
  • Magic Island
  • The Watcher in the Woods
  • Labyrinth
  • Frog Dreaming
  • The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking
  • Munchie
  • Hocus Pocus
  • Return to Oz
  • The Hobbit
  • Twilight of the Cockroaches
  • A Gnome Named Gnorm
  • Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue
  • Mr. Boogedy
  • Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend
  • The Dark Crystal
  • Project: ALF
  • Flight of the Navigator
  • The Black Hole
  • Spaced Invaders
  • Babes In Toyland
  • Garfield: His 9 Lives
  • Amazing Grace and Chuck
  • Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night
  • The Boy Who Cried Werewolf
  • The Witches
  • Ernest Scared Stupid
  • Extraterrestrial Visitors
  • Munchie Strikes Back
  • The Elm Chanted Forest
  • Willow
  • Grampire
  • The Flying Sneaker
  • The Skateboard Kid
  • 7 Lucky Ninja Kids
  • The Owl Service
  • Reggie's Prayer
  • The Boy Who Loved Trolls
  • Sarah and the Squirrel
  • Kindergarten Ninja
  • Dragonworld
  • The Black Planet
  • Bach and Broccoli
  • Katy Caterpillar
  • The Nutcracker
  • The Wind in the Willows
  • Samson & Sally
  • The Point!
  • The Polar Bear King