Carol

Carol

I’m not sure there will ever be something this monumental, this special, in the history of cinema. What a grand statement to make, I am sure, but it holds an abundance of truth. 

Like you are falling in love in real time, along side them.

I have seen this film more than a handful of times, and each watch I grew more and more attached to Therese and saw bits and pieces of myself in her, watching this now for the first time since February, I was much more attached to Carol. While I don’t see myself in her at all, it is like for the first time I felt her pain alongside her, I was able to catch her hands trembling during mediation, I felt her pain watching her sit with the reality of losing her child right before her very eyes, this stung so deeply because all I have wanted, all I have ever wanted is to be a Mother, and a good one at that...and Carol...she is a great one, the ways her eyes meet Therese’s at the most perfect of moments, I felt her confidence and her shattering withdrawal all within the same breath. This watch felt different, I am much more sure of who I am now, I have felt the upmost sense of guilt since posting my original review in February, a time when I was searching for any piece of truth, a time when I was allowing other people’s thoughts of me reign through my skull, I was searching for any piece of comfort and I was devastatingly dishonest in return and I despise myself for that. Though it’s only been months, I know what I like, I know what I need to further better myself, and I know the type of person I sincerely wish to be. 
Therese is the person I am met with now, and Carol is what I strive to become, a confident and iridescent woman, with a wide heart.

And you my darling, even more.

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