• Dirty Work

    Dirty Work

    Thanks for the memories Norm.

  • Queen Crab

    Queen Crab

    ★★

    Simultaneously better than I expected it to be and far more dull than it had any right to be.

  • He's All That

    He's All That

    You could take a dump in a bag and eat it and I would groan less watching that take place.


    Half a star for Matthew Lillard, who at least looks like he was TRYING to have fun during shooting (especially considering that this was shot during the pandemic and that he likely heard about them trying to shut down L.A. Station so they could film one scene that has little-to-nothing to do with the picture).

    I'll discuss this more on a future episode of the Jortscenter podcast I do.

  • The Suicide Squad

    The Suicide Squad

    ★★★★

    NOM NOM

  • Space Jam: A New Legacy

    Space Jam: A New Legacy

    I feel nothing. Just....blank.

    Might write a full review later on. Might immediately block this from my mind though. Might say that this is what we get for making Ready Player One a box office success, but I'd rather watch that again any day of the week. And I didn't even like RPO.

    I dunno. I just desperately want to go to sleep.

  • The Simpsons: The Good, the Bart, and the Loki

    The Simpsons: The Good, the Bart, and the Loki

    I really hope Tom Hiddleston got paid well for this.

  • The Return of the Living Dead

    The Return of the Living Dead

    ★★★★★

    The only proper movie to watch for 4th of July weekend.

  • Bullets of Justice

    Bullets of Justice

    Like if Mad Max was written by the "focus group car guy" from I Think You Should Leave and directed by Bulgarian crack addicts. I have no earthly idea what the hell I just watched and I'm not entirely sure how to even rate it. Still, if you're seeking something wholly....unique and utterly insane released during the last couple of years, you can find this oddity on Prime.

    Also, Danny Trejo has less than 5 minutes of screen time in this. Boo.

  • Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death

    Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death

    I SO wanted to like this more than I did. The entire premise is amusing (a comedic, feministic 'B' take on Heart of Darkness? Sign me up!), the cast in front of and behind the camera is certainly an eclectic bunch, and hell, it's Mark Kermode of the BBC's favorite "cannibal" film. Unfortunately the problem with Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death is something that I feared would be an issue: too often are there sluggish or flat-out…

  • Humanoids from the Deep

    Humanoids from the Deep

    ★★★½

    Probably one of the finest (and also most repugnant) "B" movies of the 80s. I had not watched this one in at least ten years so uh.....thanks for letting me revisit the rapey fishmen movie Shudder?


    Yeesh that did not feel comfortable to type.

  • Willy's Wonderland

    Willy's Wonderland

    ★★½

    Fun concept (Nicholas Cage as a silent hero brutally murdering animatronic monsters in a dilapidated entertainment center) brought down by its inability to determine what tone it's trying to go for and some remarkably bland supporting characters. The aforementioned Cage elevates it into the "toss-up" category for me simply by just doing....erm, Nic Cage things though.

  • Predator

    Predator

    ★★★★★

    Happy 34th anniversary to the GOAT.