West Side Story ★★★

While I mostly hold the belief the flaws of West Side Story have near everything to do with the period they made it in, just to be clear, that doesn’t mean I am clamoring to see the Spielberg version, like at all. Frankly, it’s still boring, a mind-numbing, meandering, pandering two-and-a-half-hours, whose Bernsteinian musical genius and all-together motific literacy is too subtle to even dig for among the pretty weak vocal performances (off flippant half baked lyrics and musical cliches none the less, like, for goodness sake, name for me one musical without a pantomime number where the protagonists make fun of the antagonist in hyperbolic ways) and general lack of interest that is found among the songs with flattened out beats, bases, rhythms.

It’s all camp, clunk, and no real fun, or, for that matter, even critique (based on the casting alone), if judged by the standards that it's expected to still hold up today, despite what the poppy theater-esque color pallet of swirling costumes and art direction would suggest, one that also suggests subtle symbolism is to be found within its scattered neon shades, but once again lies so deeply rooted and utterly convoluted that the only people who “get it” would probably be pretentious douchebags just looking for a way to praise the film for any reason other than Natalie Wood’s excessive and aggressive sexual appeal as a poorly aged, dependent damsel. I’ve been a theater kid, I’ve seen and done this show, but what it is that I simply can’t see, I guess one exception being with the choreography, if how this is in any way a timeless epic or well-done reimagining of the Romeo and Juliet story. No, it's more this stakeless, heartless, meaningless thing, isn't it, rolling down an upper side street, like a turd, in the wind.

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