Favorite films

  • Blood Simple
  • Near Dark
  • The Manchurian Candidate
  • Gumbasia

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  • Return of the Jedi

    ★★★★

  • Return of the Scarlet Pimpernel

    ★★★½

  • The House of Exorcism

  • Gloria

    ★★★★

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  • Vampires

    Vampires

    ★★★½

    THIS MOVIE SUCKS! DEPT.

    For generations, vampires have terrified and captivated audiences all over the world with their amoral appetites and seductive malignancy. If you're looking for more of that, though, you better go watch Dracula again, because this is ...

    JOHN CRAP'N'SLUR'S SHAMPIRES

    "I'm Jack Slow, f&!@king vampire hunter! I was hired by the Catholic Church to hunt and kill vampires, so it's only fitting that I swear like a f*&!king priest! Plus, it's cheaper than hiring screenwriters!"

    "I'm…

  • She-Devils on Wheels

    She-Devils on Wheels

    ★★★

    There once was a gang called the Man-Eaters /
    They rode on one- and two-seaters /
    It's easy to tell, they liked to raise hell /
    and in cutting off heads they're the leaders

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  • Return of the Jedi

    Return of the Jedi

    ★★★★

    "Fly casual."

    The last time I saw this it was an original theatrical print and one of the coolest movie experiences of my life, when it struck me as one of the great Hollywood adventure movies, maybe the last one. Didn't really hit quite that well tonight at home, it's fun at all but can't help but feel a little redundant compared to Empire's gorgeous space romance. Also, am I wrong or does this movie suffer a lot more in Special Edition form than the other two movies?

  • Return of the Scarlet Pimpernel

    Return of the Scarlet Pimpernel

    ★★★½

    "I have a sequel which may not be inappropriate."

    Quick and occasionally clever Scarlet Pimpernel adventure, I especially liked the restaurant sequence with its trio of figures who could be Sir Percy in disguise.

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  • Punch-Drunk Love

    Punch-Drunk Love

    ★★★★★

    When I was 17 or 18 I was eating lunch at this place called New York Subs (now closed) and I ordered my sandwich and sat down in front of this man (who I later learned was my parents' dentist, incidentally) who was by himself waiting on his food. When the waitress came by to bring him his order, I heard her ask him about the crossword puzzle he was doing. "Yeah, I find it's a lot easier to do…

  • Friday the 13th

    Friday the 13th

    ★★★½

    "Strip Monopoly" might sound like a fun game but I can think of several problems with this mode of play. For one, this notion that players are to strip "instead of paying rent" - um, doesn't that negate Monopoly's entire in-game economy? Here's just one hypothetical scenario that shows the cracks in paying rent by stripping: Let's say I invest all of my money in building hotels on the orange properties (St. James Place, New York Avenue, and Tennessee Avenue,…